I have been avoiding updating our blog for several weeks now. To be honest, I have been really homesick and have been questioning my purpose here. I hate being negative, so I was just waiting until I felt more like my more positive self. And here I am, several weeks later, not feeling much better. Maybe it is the pregnancy hormones, maybe it is the half-way slump, maybe it is another lesson God is teaching me.
Our true selves (struggles, fears, etc) come out when we are put in uncomfortable situations, and I am not liking what is coming out in me. I think one of my biggest problems is pride - I thought I was stronger than this. I didn't want anyone to know how much I really am struggling. It is difficult for me to understand why I am so unhappy when I know God called us here. Obviously, I have relied way too much on myself and not on Him. We are to have trust and joy in Him in every situation. God never promises that our lives will be easy. We are to follow Him, no matter the cost.
I've been reading one of the class books - The Untold Story of the New Testament Church by Frank Viola. I really recommend it - it is a walk through the New Testament in chronological order. It puts Paul's letters in perspective, and I have finally realized that his "defensiveness" in many of his letters has good reason! Paul was persecuted so often for preaching the Truth, and he too, questioned his purpose and had many disappointments. We are not supposed to be strong on our own. We can't do it - only He can carry us through the difficult times. Now if I could only listen and follow my own preaching....
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